I am healing. How I came to the decision to have a hysterectomy.

I am currently healing. It’s been less than 2 weeks since I’ve had laparoscopic hysterectomy. What led me here is many years of heavy and painful periods. Many of the symptoms were tamped down with different types of hormonal medications in the form of birth control pills for most of my adulthood and then an IUD that was extremely painful upon placement and then again when removed. For the last few years after having the IUD removed, I’ve experienced the most painful and heavy periods of my life. My quality of life was extremely diminished, I’d curl up in a ball and wait for it to pass. There were many cancelled plans because the pain and fatigue prevented me from doing anything. All my plans and activities began to revolve around my menstrual cycle. I found myself feeling “good” for about 1 week out of the month. The drastic decision to have my uterus removed has been many years in the making and came with much thought and reflection. I’ve suffered for years, going to my gyno and waiting for referrals to specialists and receiving the diagnosis of having uterine fibroids. I was told that only if they grew or posed serious issues, that they would just be monitored. Once I had the IUD removed and my menstrual cycle resumed, I began to experience pain that I learned to live with. Pain is normalized I’ve realized, and you just keep going about your life as if it’s acceptable. Only more recently did I find a new gyno who suggested that I might have adenomyosis like endometriosis and that the only way to fully know or resolve it is through hysterectomy. With adenomyosis, endometrial tissue grows into the muscular wall of the uterus which thickens it permanently, causing heavy bleeding and pain and can cause the uterus to become enlarged. The difference with endometriosis is that the tissue grows outside of the uterus, usually affecting the fallopian tubes, ovaries and can sometimes lead to infertility. I was sent for a pelvic ultrasound, but the imaging doesn’t show everything that might be going on. I’ve had several ultrasounds in the past that established that I had fibroids but nothing else was apparent. I wasn’t willing to accept my current gynecologist’s diagnosis and advice to get a hysterectomy. I resisted it because surgery is invasive and terrifying to me. I didn’t want a part of me to be removed nor did I want to be thrown into menopause cold turkey.

I decided to research non-invasive treatments and self-referred to a specialist in women’s reproductive health. I had to wait months to get into to see her and when I did, she came to a similar conclusion. She sent me for an MRI which is much more thorough imaging and that can provide so much more information. Now, thinking back to all my years of doctor visits and trying to get a diagnosis, had I been sent for an MRI, I would have avoided so much pain and struggle. This diagnosis of adenomyosis could have been made sooner. Maybe? The MRI confirmed what both doctors believed to be my issue. It felt like such a relief to know what had been causing so much upheaval in my life. All my adult life, I’ve worked around it, I’ve taken hormonal medications to mask it, pain medications that provided very little relief, I’ve done natural remedies and everything I could think of to relieve my symptoms. I’d normalized the pain and tried to numb it. But it became too heavy to keep carrying. I’m approaching 50 and am just at the start of perimenopause. I want to enjoy more of my life rather than being in pain and exhausted all the time. My doctor informed me that the surgery would alleviate the issues and that by keeping my ovaries I would still be able to let menopause take its natural course. My uterus, fallopian tubes, fibroids and endometrial tissue were removed. My ovaries are intact. It was explained to me that much like a game of Tetris, my insides were once precisely configured, and everything’s been shifted  and is being reconfigured again. I am healing now. I’m taking my time to heal from my surgery. I’m making progress day to day. My body tells me when I need to take a rest. I’m slowly moving by taking short walks. I’m doing some upper body stretching for the muscle aches and stiffness. Guided meditations and reflecting have been helpful. Listening to sound baths makes me feel relaxed. I’m reminding myself that this will be a process, nothing that can be rushed. I’ve had to practice being patient with myself and my body. I’ve also practiced being more open and vulnerable. That’s not something that I’ve found incredibly easy or comfortable. When I opened up about my struggles with my circle, I received an immense amount of wisdom and support. So many women that I knew had gone through similar experiences and were on the other side of it. Their stories inspired me and gave me hope as I was going through it. I’m so grateful for these women in my life who gave me courage to make the decision to have the hysterectomy. Finding the right doctor, seeking more information, sharing my experience with others, these things came together to bring me here. I’m healing because of all the love and support of my friends and family. Sharing our experiences and supporting one another through challenges is powerful. I’m grateful for everyone in my life that has shown me their love through their kindness and actions. I’m  looking forward to the next phase of my life, yes, menopause is on the horizon, but I’ll be stronger and will be supported by all the beautiful women in my life who share their experiences with me.